A Battle Against Depression - A Chapter From My Life !
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The demon of depression mostly
hits you just in the middle of the day , even when you are surrounded by your
loved ones and suddenly you are lost ... lost in the darkest part of your inner
soul trying to breathe, but you really feel helpless …
The fight against depression is
not for a day or for a month, it is a continuous battle. Today, I want to share my story as finally I find the courage to write about it.
For most of you, the world is colourful but for me, its all black and white or sometimes even grey.
Imagine yourself having a great day, surrounded by your loved ones and suddenly like a thunder it flashes inside your soul. You feel empty, dark and hollow. You smile from outside, but inside you are even questioning your existence.
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Why you are smiling? You are too fake!
Nobody loves you.
Nobody needs you.
This world is a better place without you.
and the worst of all is ....
Having no mom is better than having a mom like you!
that is how depression sounds like... when you are the worst kind of bully for yourself.
For the world, you are the most kindest, sweetest and the most helpful person. But you are the meanest person for yourself and you can not help yourself with it.
Shut up !!! that is what you want to scream, out loud to your brain .... but it never stops.... Depression is real my friends ... Depression is as real as you and me...
So, next time if a person/friend/colleague sounds to be so happy at times and yet refuses to have an eye contact , always ready to help yet refuses to take any help... take a pause ... no please don't ask questions, just try to sit with them in the darkness. Even if they want to be alone... a hug is all that is needed... not any question as we might don't have the answers or even if we have, we might don't want to face them.
Depression is little more than sadness, a little more than daily fatigue. Its like when you are unable to get up from the bed and face the world.When you are tired all the time yet you are a workaholic. When you are so ready to help and solve every body's problem yet feel so helpless to even share what you are going through. And the toughest part is to pretend that its all OK when nothing actually feels like it. When you can feel the pain, the slightest of discomfort that people around you go through, but you are unable to share what, why and how you are going through in your own life.
When everyday is a battle, every single second of it. Life is not easy we know that. We are not being ungrateful, believe me we are not! Instead, we are the people who are willing and really want to change this world and make it a little less miserable for everybody.
Today, I want to say this that I accept it and I am ready to face it. I am done with hiding or running away from my demons. I am not ashamed of it anymore , no more ! I am a victim of depression but, I am a warrior! I will fight out of it! Even when it feels like I must quit.... I will not .... and you must not as well...
This post is definitely not written to gain sympathies or likes. It is written with an intention to let you know that if you are feeling all the above or even more, you are unable to help yourself ... I can hear you .. I can and believe me when I write this and say this I CAN feel your pain .. I CAN understand what you are going through... YOU ARE NOT ALONE !
Can you relate? Or you now somebody going through all this? Any suggestion you have ? Please do share <3
4 comments
Beautiful... Opening up is the firsf step towards healing 😍 all the best to you
ReplyDeletethank you so much dear. Means a lot <3
DeleteDear Sana, first of all I salute you for your courage abd strength. Secondly, you have done a great favor to many to talk about this illness and gave them strength too. I recognize many things which you have mentioned. I had my episodes of depression and anxiety. I gained lot of weight and that further added to my low self esteem and bad feelings. I tried many things like new hobbies, watching soaps, learning makeup but somehow the emptiness just lingers inside. I must tell you though that mindfulness and praying helps to heal. I have now accepted that I have some issues and this is the best weapon against it. You are strong and you can conquer it! Big hug
ReplyDeleteThank you dear for your support. I am planning to write about it more in future.. the more darkest phases where even prayers do not help. May God give us all the strength Amen
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